They used to call it civil rights<\/p>\n
Then they called it affirmative action
\nThen they called it equal opportunity
\nIt’s confusing, right?<\/p>\n
Thats’s why you need diversity consulting.<\/p>\n
You seem uncomfortable with the term.
\nHalf our clients dislike the word
\nDiversity
\nHalf our clients dislike the word
\nConsulting<\/p>\n
If you are in the first category, consider this:
\nThe country is getting blacker, browner, yellower, queerer, more ramped, more vaginalized.
\nYour company is not.
\nThey are your customers.
\nThey will come after you.
\nAt least, they should.
\nYou have to cover your ass.<\/p>\n
If you are in the second category, consider this:
\nMost big tech moves fast and looks ugly
\nKind of like that pimply high school player
\nYou don’t like fast and ugly
\nBut you want to be in the game
\nAnd everyone’s getting on the diversity wagon.
\nYou could hire a dedicated diversity officer
\nBut you can’t afford it.
\nYou could just hire more kinds of folks
\nFor technical and creative
\nBut you don’t know how to talk with people who don’t look like you.
\nDon’t worry!
\nThat’s what we’re here for.<\/p>\n
To start, we’ll craft your own personalized
\nDiversity Agency
\nA team of at least one certified person who looks like you
\nHe’ll be your translator
\nAnd at least one person who looks nothing like you
\nShe’ll be your communicator.
\nWhen you have your agents in place, you can take advantage of our wide array of services.
\nOne of our most popular plans is the editorial assassination.
\nWe will dig up the instances of discrimination and hate on your competitors’ teams.
\nIt’s never hard
\nAnd write a scathing editorial on their bigoted policies.
\nIf they come back at you on your bigoted policies?
\nPolitely point out that you have a diversity consultant.<\/p>\n
Every plan comes with a customized hiring policy
\nAnd code of conduct
\nThat will make both your diverse customers
\nAnd your white male shareholders
\nVery happy.<\/p>\n
We will throw in a training on how to use these policies and codes with your customers and shareholders. We’ll give you the first tip free:
\ndon’t use the word “meritocracy” with the first group.
\nUse it all the time with the second.<\/p>\n
And on that note, we will also throw in a dictionary of terms you should start introducing into your vocabulary, worlds like
\nUnderrepresented
\nChild care
\nSocial justice
\nSocial impact
\nCys and
\nTrans<\/p>\n
As well as a dictionary of terms you should start removing, like
\nBro
\nBrah
\nDude
\nMan
\nYo
\nBeer fridge
\nAnd
\nAll nighter<\/p>\n
You can see how your fee will pay itself off in days.
\nSo think about it.
\nWe promise 100% satisfaction
\nOr 20% of your money back.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
They used to call it civil rights Then they called it affirmative action Then they called it equal opportunity It’s confusing, right? Thats’s why you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":171,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,11,9,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fraternity","category-satire","category-sistahood","category-world","has-post-thumbnail-archive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=172"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":217,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172\/revisions\/217"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/171"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arlduc.org\/brogram\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}