The Exotic Brother Finishing School: Diversity Consulting

They used to call it civil rights

Then they called it affirmative action
Then they called it equal opportunity
It’s confusing, right?

Thats’s why you need diversity consulting.

You seem uncomfortable with the term.
Half our clients dislike the word
Half our clients dislike the word

If you are in the first category, consider this:
The country is getting blacker, browner, yellower, queerer, more ramped, more vaginalized.
Your company is not.
They are your customers.
They will come after you.
At least, they should.
You have to cover your ass.

If you are in the second category, consider this:
Most big tech moves fast and looks ugly
Kind of like that pimply high school player
You don’t like fast and ugly
But you want to be in the game
And everyone’s getting on the diversity wagon.
You could hire a dedicated diversity officer
But you can’t afford it.
You could just hire more kinds of folks
For technical and creative
But you don’t know how to talk with people who don’t look like you.
Don’t worry!
That’s what we’re here for.

To start, we’ll craft your own personalized
Diversity Agency
A team of at least one certified person who looks like you
He’ll be your translator
And at least one person who looks nothing like you
She’ll be your communicator.
When you have your agents in place, you can take advantage of our wide array of services.
One of our most popular plans is the editorial assassination.
We will dig up the instances of discrimination and hate on your competitors’ teams.
It’s never hard
And write a scathing editorial on their bigoted policies.
If they come back at you on your bigoted policies?
Politely point out that you have a diversity consultant.

Every plan comes with a customized hiring policy
And code of conduct
That will make both your diverse customers
And your white male shareholders
Very happy.

We will throw in a training on how to use these policies and codes with your customers and shareholders. We’ll give you the first tip free:
don’t use the word “meritocracy” with the first group.
Use it all the time with the second.

And on that note, we will also throw in a dictionary of terms you should start introducing into your vocabulary, worlds like
Child care
Social justice
Social impact
Cys and

As well as a dictionary of terms you should start removing, like
Beer fridge
All nighter

You can see how your fee will pay itself off in days.
So think about it.
We promise 100% satisfaction
Or 20% of your money back.